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Post by dutch on Mar 25, 2006 11:19:39 GMT -5
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't possibly lose an eye just from some bird poop."
"It was my first day with the hook."
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Post by dutch on Mar 27, 2006 22:30:20 GMT -5
The Bathtub
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what thecriterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug ... Do you want a room with or without a view?"
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Post by Tweed Pants on Apr 1, 2006 21:16:56 GMT -5
Not really a joke but it had me hysterical The other day a co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now as we were rushing to a meeting, just put a note on the printer telling people not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and quickly scrawled a message on it on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my colleagues comes in laughing and says she was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. The moral of the story: sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to! Props to Teary_eyed2
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Post by dzero on Apr 5, 2006 9:59:00 GMT -5
Google in the future.
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Post by dzero on Apr 6, 2006 11:58:23 GMT -5
More fun with google
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Post by dzero on Apr 10, 2006 11:46:04 GMT -5
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Post by dzero on Apr 10, 2006 15:43:34 GMT -5
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Post by dzero on May 10, 2006 0:18:56 GMT -5
Not a joke but a riddle . Stolen from Scrubs so Tweeds isn't allowed to answer 2 coins add up to 30 cents. One of them is not a nickle. What are they?
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Post by Reilynn on May 10, 2006 9:50:26 GMT -5
Not a joke but a riddle . Stolen from Scrubs so Tweeds isn't allowed to answer 2 coins add up to 30 cents. One of them is not a nickle. What are they? The one that is not a nickle is a quarter. The other one is a nickle. ;D Someone still lets me play brainteasers!
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Post by Mia22 on May 10, 2006 9:57:03 GMT -5
Oh jeez this was one of those 'what color is George Washington's white horse?' questions that screwed with everyone in middle school. I'm a grown up now and still had to think about it for a good thirty seconds before feeling like an idiot when I realized the answer. A Quarter and a nickel Seriously feel like an idiot
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Post by Mia22 on May 10, 2006 10:03:44 GMT -5
Someone still lets me play brainteasers! Did that question count as a brain teaser? Not a just how slow are you?
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Post by dzero on May 10, 2006 10:31:12 GMT -5
The on that is not a nickle is a quarter. The other on is a nickle. ;D Someone still lets me play brainteasers! Grrrrrrrrrrr Couldn't even stump one person I believe the actual answer should read "The other one is a nickle" ;D Seriously feel like an idiot Well at least accomplished something ;D Should I admit it took me longer? Hey don't look at me like that , I was watching the show and following the story and stuff so I couldn't just stop and think about it
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Post by Hometown9 on Jun 5, 2006 4:48:42 GMT -5
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give Casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the Churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The Churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the Casinos of origin and cashed in.
The sorting is done by the chip monks.
Didn't see it coming did ya?
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Post by Aerie on Jul 4, 2006 13:18:16 GMT -5
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Post by dzero on Jul 4, 2006 14:24:26 GMT -5
So what's the story behind those pics? Do you do something just as silly with your car and then go looking for pics of other "challenged" drivers to make yourself feel better? ;D ;D ;D
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