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Post by dzero on Feb 15, 2006 12:44:26 GMT -5
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Post by dzero on Feb 21, 2006 2:27:03 GMT -5
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Post by maria656 on Feb 21, 2006 11:05:20 GMT -5
The Perfect Joke - Lawyers and blonds at the same time
A lawyer and a blonde woman happen to be sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "Okay, how about this...If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question...? "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer. "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up.? He wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who cannot imagine what the answer is, and is going nuts trying to figure it out, is more than a little frustrated! He wakes the blonde and asks. "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
;D
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Post by maria656 on Feb 21, 2006 11:10:24 GMT -5
got this from another group I'm on-don't know how recent it is
In case you missed it on 60 minutes. This is for all girls around 40.AND for guys who are scared of girl! s over 40!!!!..This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why........
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those! men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.
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Post by shywriter on Feb 21, 2006 13:25:16 GMT -5
The Perfect Joke - Lawyers and blonds at the same time ;D (It didn't have to be a lawyer, you know...)~ ~
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Post by maria656 on Feb 21, 2006 19:10:09 GMT -5
The Perfect Joke - Lawyers and blonds at the same time ;D (It didn't have to be a lawyer, you know...)~ ~ that's how I rec'd it, with the caption-the Smart Blonde
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Post by dzero on Feb 22, 2006 21:23:38 GMT -5
What do Snowmen do during the offseason?
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Post by spikeloud on Feb 23, 2006 18:27:17 GMT -5
as some of you know, i recently started a job at a music store.....so i now have some instrument jokes
whats the difference between a oboe and a bassoon ? / / / / a bassoon burns longer
whats the range on a b flat carinet? / / / / about 30 yards with a good arm
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Post by shywriter on Feb 23, 2006 20:36:46 GMT -5
as some of you know, i recently started a job at a music store.....so i now have some instrument jokes A handful from the university collection off the top of my source's head (note--these came from a theorist/pianist) What do you call a drummer who broke up with his girlfriend? / / / / Homeless. What's the difference between a trombone and a chain saw? / / / / You can tune a chainsaw. What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull? / / / / Jewelry How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? / / / / None--the piano player can do it with his left hand. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? / / / / None--they have machines to do that now. ~ ~
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Post by spikeloud on Feb 24, 2006 18:43:57 GMT -5
lol. i'd heard some of those but still....... classics.....i love the one about the pitbull
how do you get a bass player off your front porch? / / / / / pay him for the pizza
how many lead guitar players does it take to screw in a light blub? / / / / / five...one to do it, and four who say they can do it better
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Post by shywriter on Feb 24, 2006 21:19:54 GMT -5
I'd forgotten the pizza one... and there are a couple with the "you want fries with that" punchline. But I got my source wound up...
What the difference between a soprano and a Ferrari? / / / / Not everyone has been in a Ferrari. How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb? / / / / Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how Charlie Parker would have done it. And a rash of trombone jokes (they're so easy):How do you know when a trombone player is at your door? / / / / The doorbell drags. What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cell telephone? / / / / An optimist. What is the diffference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road? / / / / The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig. How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb? / / / / Just one, but he'll do it too loudly. How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist? / / / / He doesn't know how to use the slide, and he can't swing. ~ ~
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Post by spikeloud on Feb 25, 2006 11:56:49 GMT -5
whats another name for a trombone? / / / / /
a manually opereted pitch aproximater
what does a diva do the morning after A GIG? / / / / / get out of bed put on her clothes, and go home
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Post by spikeloud on Feb 25, 2006 12:05:20 GMT -5
why dont you have a drummer follow a bass player to a gig? / / / / / / a drummer NEVER follows the bass player
how do soundmen count? / / / / / test test one two three
how do soundmen pay the bill? / / / / / check, check, check
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Post by spikeloud on Feb 25, 2006 12:07:54 GMT -5
oh i almost forgot.....a classic
how do you get a guitarist to turn down / / / / / put sheet music in front of him
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Post by dzero on Mar 21, 2006 21:12:14 GMT -5
Baby T-shirts What do you say gang? Think one of these would make a good present for Tweed Diapers?
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