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Post by englishrose on Sept 26, 2005 21:05:48 GMT -5
joke (another Bush one)
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes By saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident'
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks..........
''How many is a Brazillion ??!'
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Post by shywriter on Sept 26, 2005 22:49:00 GMT -5
Thank you thank you thank you!! Still rolling on the floor; going out on several e-mail lists momentarily!! You made my evening... ~ ;D ~
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Post by englishrose on Sept 26, 2005 22:53:42 GMT -5
We aim to please
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Post by Reilynn on Sept 27, 2005 9:12:04 GMT -5
Sadly, this isn't so much a joke as a quote:
"The president believes the government should be limited not in size, Jon, but in effectiveness. In terms of effectiveness, this is the most limited government we've ever had." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry
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Post by englishrose on Sept 27, 2005 17:00:36 GMT -5
An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having
>> a beer. >> All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass >> in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. >> "In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink >> from the same one twice," he says. >> The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his >> glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. >> "Wull mate, in Niw Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses >> that we don't need to drink out the same glass either," he says The >> Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws >> his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African >> and Kiwi. >> He turns to the astonished barman and says,"In Australia we have so >> many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with
>> the same ones twice."
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Post by englishrose on Oct 17, 2005 19:38:24 GMT -5
Daddy Longlegs
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden he smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, we're not having any of that poofter s**t in our garden" she said.
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Post by dzero on Oct 17, 2005 20:34:48 GMT -5
^^^ LOL "The president believes the government should be limited not in size, Jon, but in effectiveness. In terms of effectiveness, this is the most limited government we've ever had." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry You're a Daily Show fan? I'm not alone
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Post by shywriter on Oct 17, 2005 21:11:44 GMT -5
^^^ LOL "The president believes the government should be limited not in size, Jon, but in effectiveness. In terms of effectiveness, this is the most limited government we've ever had." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry You're a Daily Show fan? I'm not alone Add me too! Other than NCIS, it's the only TV I (have time to) watch... too busy trying to write smoochies for Certain People around here...~ ;D ~
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Post by dzero on Oct 17, 2005 22:48:53 GMT -5
Any Daily Show fan gets an exalt from me . Tonight after the show, is the premiere of The Colbert Report ( I think that's the title, something like that ) I wonder if "this week in god" is going to be on the new show or if he'll still appear on the Daily Show
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Post by dzero on Oct 24, 2005 15:36:18 GMT -5
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Post by AngelZ on Oct 24, 2005 19:23:53 GMT -5
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Post by dzero on Oct 25, 2005 16:14:33 GMT -5
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Post by dzero on Oct 27, 2005 12:49:00 GMT -5
looooove this one ;D
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Post by Hometown9 on Oct 28, 2005 23:59:14 GMT -5
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course, I do."
WIFE: "Then, why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay. I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it's almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No. I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Oh, sh*t!"
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Post by dzero on Nov 8, 2005 9:20:58 GMT -5
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