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Post by englishrose on May 26, 2005 12:54:26 GMT -5
An Explanation of Life....
> >An Explanation of Life > > > >On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door > >of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give > >you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be > >barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." > > > >So God agreed. > > > >On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, > >do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life > >span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? > > > >I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, > >okay?" > > > >And God agreed. > > > >On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the > >field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves > >and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of > >sixty years. "The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to > >live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other > >forty." > > > >And God agreed again. > > > >On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry > >and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years. "Man said, "What? Only > >twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow > >gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave > >back, that makes eighty, okay?" > > > >"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal." > > > >So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy > >ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our > >family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the > >grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and > >bark at everyone. > > > >Life has now been explained to you
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Post by elle on May 30, 2005 9:34:26 GMT -5
See what happens when you put fruit on a cats head. OMG - What is that? I recognise the feet, the eyes and ears, but not that scraggly hair. That's the ugliest critter I've every seen. It's right out of DA season 2. Actually that's baby lemur. Yikes. Poor thing, just a baby and so darn ugly already
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Post by elle on May 30, 2005 9:37:12 GMT -5
Grrrrrrrr... because of that "thing" I forgot why I came here... Ohh right! To post this! P.s. ER! This is your playground, if you already posted this, forgive me! If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death! (Creepy) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour (Don't try this at home, maybe at work) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!") The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (okay, so that would be a good thing) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)
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Post by Scirta on May 30, 2005 12:22:22 GMT -5
I think I figured out a new diet for me. Head banging for 4 hours a day? At work? Nah... I do that anyway. Doesn't seem to help. I'll try some pork for lunch though Lucky pig
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Post by englishrose on May 30, 2005 12:56:17 GMT -5
Elle, everyone is welcome to play here.
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Post by dzero on May 31, 2005 14:23:10 GMT -5
See what happens when you put fruit on a cats head. OMG - What is that? I recognise the feet, the eyes and ears, but not that scraggly hair. That's the ugliest critter I've every seen. It's right out of DA season 2. Actually that's baby lemur. Yikes. Poor thing, just a baby and so darn ugly already Glad to finally know what that ugly little guy is . I was afraid he was "one of a kind" and no one would love him but now I know he'll have all the other ugly little baby Lemurs to keep him company ;D. Any idea what this is? I'm not even sure if this is real? or not? It looks kinda fake . Like something from Gremlins
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Post by englishrose on May 31, 2005 14:34:13 GMT -5
It's a cat with a human mouth photoshopped onto it.
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Post by dzero on May 31, 2005 16:54:22 GMT -5
Hey, I think you're right . Have you seen that pic before? or just really good at guessing weird nuts? ;D
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Post by englishrose on May 31, 2005 16:57:52 GMT -5
I'm really good at guessing weird nuts.
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Post by elle on Jun 1, 2005 8:29:44 GMT -5
Any idea what this is? I'm not even sure if this is real? or not? It looks kinda fake . Like something from GremlinsWell, ER answered what it is. I can answer how/why that thing is born - when you have way too much free time or are bored out of your mind at work! No, not like I do something like that...
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Post by Aerie on Jun 1, 2005 13:01:44 GMT -5
I recognize those teeth! Hmmmmmm. A famous person perhaps.
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Post by englishrose on Jun 15, 2005 15:21:18 GMT -5
Best comeback line ever
General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you've got to appreciate this!!!!
It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor Boy Scout Troops visiting his military installation. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? The radio went silent and the interview ended.
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Post by dzero on Jun 16, 2005 16:26:15 GMT -5
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Post by englishrose on Jun 30, 2005 14:44:30 GMT -5
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama today when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded custody to his aunt. The boy however confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and refused to live there.
When it was identified that the boy had also been beaten by his grandparents, in an unprecedented move, the judge dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should have custody of him. In a final ruling yesterday, custody was granted to the British & Irish Lions Rugby Team as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone.
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Post by englishrose on Jul 6, 2005 21:42:03 GMT -5
New Zealand Immigration Test
Mujibar was trying to get into New Zealand legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter New Zealand."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready."
The Officer said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you, and works at Telecom on the Help Desk.
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