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Post by Aerie on Dec 7, 2008 23:39:05 GMT -5
I just peeked at shy and she's still trying to calculate the figures. This made me laugh. ;D
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Post by dzero on Dec 30, 2008 15:48:58 GMT -5
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Post by dzero on Feb 8, 2009 15:22:40 GMT -5
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Post by Aerie on Feb 14, 2009 16:35:45 GMT -5
When Grandma Goes to CourtOne reason why lawyers should never ask a witness a question unless they know the answer.In Mississippi, in a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, “Mrs.McGillicutty, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Jones. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.” The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and stammered, “Mrs. McGillicutty, do you know the defense attorney?” She replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr Smith since he was youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his practice is one of the worse in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.” The defense attorney dropped into his chair and nearly fainted. The judge then asked both lawyers to approach the bench, and said in a very quiet voice, “If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.”
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Herumor
Devoted Fan
I'm wracked by guilt...
Posts: 209
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Post by Herumor on Feb 26, 2009 9:54:50 GMT -5
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger: Then it hit me!
Police were called to a day care where a 3 yr-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
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Post by Aerie on May 11, 2009 19:39:10 GMT -5
A little clickie showing the first celebrity death from Swine Flu. And we all know who the carrier is. ;D
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Post by dzero on Nov 4, 2009 14:10:43 GMT -5
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Post by spikeloud on Nov 4, 2009 17:11:14 GMT -5
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Post by Aerie on Nov 6, 2009 0:53:31 GMT -5
Mt Rushmore from the Canadian side.
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Post by dzero on Jan 29, 2010 16:23:35 GMT -5
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Post by Aerie on Mar 7, 2010 19:35:07 GMT -5
I love chicken jokes. yuck yuck yuck.
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Post by dzero on Mar 7, 2010 22:20:22 GMT -5
^^^ ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Aerie on Mar 17, 2010 19:42:14 GMT -5
I've got a job for spikeloud.
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Post by Aerie on Apr 3, 2010 14:20:39 GMT -5
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Post by shywriter on Apr 3, 2010 18:32:44 GMT -5
I suppose it's that it's comforting, in an odd way, that even the Pulse didn't dampen Aerie's affection for this ... uh ... joke... (and I guess there's something to be said for tradition, too... ;D)Happy Easter, everyone! ~ ~
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