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Post by Shadow Warrior25 on Mar 1, 2005 18:45:15 GMT -5
Now I don't know why I really decided to put this thread up I guess I just need an alternate place to vent and was interested in hearing the perspectives of others around here; so here goes
I've been single for over 5 years and for the longest time I haven't really cared, I used to like to tell myself that I liked the fact that I was able to do what I wanted and how I chose to go about doing it. I always used to think that I had my family and that was good...well for alot of reasons that belief has really faded, much do in part to no fault of mine and for a while now I just feel that I'm alone all the time, whether it be physically or mentally and I've been trying to seek out someone special by enlisting in the ranks of the internet dating scene (I'm not bashful about it, alot of people are involved in this method) but to tell the truth it has not met with any real success...or any success to the present. So I guess what I wanted to know from people here (whether single or with someone now) if they find or found it difficult in the dating scene, whether it be in getting dates or meeting the right people. I mean I'm sure you all have but its always good to know that there are people that know what I am speaking of.
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Post by dzero on Mar 1, 2005 19:51:31 GMT -5
Relationships suck! Not very eloquent but there you go . Despite my pessimism I never really doubted that I would find someone. I've worried more about getting married to the wrong person than worried about never finding the right person. Don't really know why that is .
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Post by Scirta on Mar 2, 2005 9:04:38 GMT -5
Now that's one thread with kaboom potential I've worried more about getting married to the wrong person than worried about never finding the right person. Don't really know why that is . Cause you're still young? As you get older (and by that I don't mean 80) and you meet all kinds of decent people but no one person who sets your world on fire, you start to get antsy. There's also plenty of peer pressure ("what, you don't have a boyfriend? what, you're at home on Friday night?") and also that basic longing for a kindred spirit (found the myth of the androgyn to be a good literary explanation - in the beginning, the human being was both male and female. Then the gods punished it by splitting it in half and ever since, the two halves have been looking for each other). A few years ago, after several failed relationships I found that I was not trying to date just for the sake of dating anymore. It was good to be able to tell someone that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and isn't he/she cute, yadda yadda, but ...after a while where you realize it's just the basic human need to not be alone you kinda find that togetherness lacking. It depends on what situation you're looking for. What is worse, being alone or knowing that you don't see sparks when you're together? Some might say that fireworks are waaay overrated As one whose work environment didn't include even one guy, be he eligible or not, I can't stress the need for an active social life enough. Having hobbies that can be shared, being part of clubs, going out with friends, old school mates, asking them to point out acquaintances with common interests, hitting on the next cute guy/ girl in the bus should work in the looooong run or at least keep the rust from settling on existing social skills. It's all a combination of the height of your expectations and your long term intentions. The real thing IS mighty hard to find and some never do. Don't think anyone can deny that. The question is, do you accept that or do you fight for the elusive prize? Come on, I wanna see those fists
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Post by dzero on Mar 2, 2005 11:26:57 GMT -5
See, that's why I didn't bother being eloquent. I knew Scirta would take care of it . Nice post .
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Post by Shadow Warrior25 on Mar 2, 2005 14:50:43 GMT -5
Very nice Scirta. I am definately in the fighting spirit now when it comes to this. I'm afraid though that I'll end up doing what I did before and put everything I have into something that turns out not to be worth the initial effort let alone my total focus, I guess that you could say that it's a fault of mine that I try so hard but that's what I do, and when it all falls apart I feel emotionally wrecked. I truly don't want to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone, I want to be with them because I feel good and right about it and I want them to feel the same.
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Post by Aerie on Mar 4, 2005 23:56:55 GMT -5
I know three people who have found long term, happy relationships through internet dating. One guy, caucasian American, would only date Asian females. After 5 years and 4 girls he finally found the right one. I don't see how internet dating is any different than meeting people any other way. It's all a big crap shoot. My fear is meeting "the right person" too soon. I like going out everynight, vacationing with friends, Christmas shopping in New York and dancing all night if I wish. Meeting the right person might lead to marriage, which could lead to cooking , doing someone else's laundry. . Yes, I know I sound petty and selfish, but it's honest. ;D
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Post by Shadow Warrior25 on Mar 5, 2005 14:43:20 GMT -5
LOL Aerie, whats wrong with cooking? I'm starting to get the hang of it.
It's not just internet dating though, it seems like meeting someone at all is damn near impossible. Now I realize that I'm not very old and that what I want to do with my life might scare some people but I'm wondering if it really takes a college degree and 6 pack abs in the age bracket I dwell in to find someone. If that is the case then perhaps in just might be better for me to back away again and focus my energy on something else until such a time where the qualities I'm told to have are more important.
I'd really like to be more spiritual in my thinking; you know that universe moves as it should, not necessarily how you what it to but that's just not me, Although in a show of hipocrosy I do think that this it all for a reason, it's the not knowing what the reason is thats the killer
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Post by Aerie on Mar 5, 2005 20:30:58 GMT -5
Can you give me a recipe for something easy? Well, you don't have to tell her until you and she know each other a little better. I hang with a group of friends, 20 to 25 of them, all Dark Angel fans. The first season we used to watch DA together. sighhhhhh. Anyway, the #1 goal of the females in the group is to fix up the guys with the woman of their dreams. The guys are usually just looking for se em, I mean, someone fun to go out with. The secret here is to go out and meet people. Get in with a fun group and eventually the girls will fix you up. ;D ;D Don't forget that recipe.
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Post by Shadow Warrior25 on Mar 7, 2005 5:12:19 GMT -5
Aerie: Beef of Chicken? because I seriously have a few if you want them.
As far as the hanging out in a group, the group I hang out with are all couples...with the exception of me of course so hooking each other up isn't a item on thier "night on the town" list of things to do. Not that I would expect that of them either but even I feel out of place when I'm with them every now and then. Sometimes I look at it as if I'm on a protection detail instead of just being with friends and that helps...sometimes, not all the time.
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Post by Aerie on Mar 7, 2005 17:19:19 GMT -5
I'll start off with chicken. I don't eat ground beef and when I want good beef I go to a great steak place and have a giant porterhouse, medium rare. Still pink in the middle but very hot. I bring home most of it and have it for several meals. I eat seafood and chicken, each three nights a week. Pizza or salads the other night. I know how fascinating my diet must be to all of you ;D ;D SW, if you hang with a group of couples and they aren't fixing you up it means the females like having an extra guy around. Girls/women are like that. That "protection" thing. I go to a gym most mornings, very early, and I've noticed a lot of singles hook up there. Very few of the guys are trying to get great abs, they're just getting their exercise before they go to their office jobs, or driving all day. Whatever. I've never gone to church so cannot speak with experience, but I've heard that church is a good place to meet people. It would have to be a big church to have the right age group. I volunteer at a "Feed the Homeless" group a few times a year, mostly holidays, and I've seen people hooking up there. NO, not the homeless, I mean the volunteers. But this is Los Angeles where there are a lot of people at every function anywhere. My expertise is in little clubs with live music and lots of singles. A cover of $5 or $10 and you can get one drink and make it last for hours, and meet others your age. dzero probably gets around but prefers to keep his sources secret. ;D
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Post by dzero on Mar 8, 2005 14:52:39 GMT -5
Oh how I wish I did have some secret source . Scirta and Aerie have pretty much covered all the places I can think of as far as work/school or social goups/activities are concerned. These have been the places I have usually met girls, in a setting where you can get to know each other. Clubbing is real hit or miss but then again all dating is I guess ( of course clubbing might work out better if certain girls weren't nursing one drink all night ;D). If meeting the girls is the real problem then I would have to go back to what Aerie suggested about having some female friends set you up. The thing to do is not wait till you are out on the town with them but talk to them before hand and maybe they will know someone for you who they can invite out with your group. If you feel uncomfortable asking your friends then maybe just drop a hint about "how hard it is to meet anybody" and I'll bet they start thinking of people for you on their own. Like Aerie said girls love doing that kinda thing, at least the ones I know do.
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Post by Shadow Warrior25 on Mar 8, 2005 15:27:00 GMT -5
Aerie; I'll PM you a recipe. I swear it's good
While I've certainly not asked for help from anyone concerning meeting people I always say that it's hard to do so in front of them and that's basically the end of it, I really don't think that they are thinking of who they know that might be interested or me possibly being interested in that person. I'm not a big fan of trying to meet people at bars and really don't care for clubs...too much competition brought about by liquid courage and misguided females who grave the drama that they swirl around themselves in that setting.
As far as work goes; not a damn thing happening there
And my hobbies and interests I am very serious about, I don't fool around (can't really) and concentrate intently on doing what I have to do. Besides you don't really see alot of females at the range...when you do it's with thier boyfriend or husband. And the majority of the girls I see at the pool halls (at least the time when I'm there) either aren't people that I'm interested in or don't strike me as the type to be interested in a person such as myself. It's not that I lack confidence...well maybe a little when it comes to woman but I'm a realist and there are just some things that to me are just known and that's one of them.
The Gym; well I'm considering joining a gym near my house but it would only be for the learning of a specific fighting style. I suppose it's certainly possible to maybe meet someone there but I haven't even joined yet.
That's why I thought the internet thing would be useful...and it is...for other people, I apparently don't have a certain quality or maybe have one that people don't want but the fact remains the same that up through this point it's only really been a way to spend money without getting anything out of it. Since this is all a losing gamble maybe I should just go play the slots instead!
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Post by Aerie on Mar 15, 2005 17:10:03 GMT -5
Well, I hang out at clubs several nights a week and I do see people hooking up. They all can't be for one nighters. I don't go to meet guys. I go for the music and the dancing, but people seem happy there. There are clubs and there are CLUBS. ;D ;D Oh sure, put me down for hanging at clubs and listening to music and there you are - hanging out at pool halls. ;D ;D ;D Methinks you take yourself very seriously. But if you don't, who will. I wish Scirta would return and give us the benefit of her wisdom.
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Post by Shadow Warrior25 on Mar 16, 2005 19:09:21 GMT -5
I'm not putting you down Aerie; maybe it's my fault for making a generalization, but anytime I'm out at a bar that's what I see...of course I have been told that I overthink things. I'm sure I do but there's a quote that I read recently that really fits me sometimes; " A conclusion is something you come to when you get tired of thinking" since theres not alot of momentum in my life at the moment in any area (at least not that I can discern) I got alot of time to think and then to re-think putting in a few different variables. sometimes it's a curse
I'm not a pool hall rat...not anymore, was in high school. Used to pretty good but I'm a bit rusty.
I try not to take myself too seriously but I know that I probably come off that way...lots and lots of reasons why but they aren't really something that needs to be gotten into, besides this is about finding a trusted and loving better half, not deep pyschoanylasis
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Post by HarbingerX on Mar 21, 2005 21:36:18 GMT -5
I'm not fallin for this topic! ;D On another matter, quite a coincident that I ran into this topic just after watchin a Smallville episode, didn't catch the title. It was the 1 when Clark fell into the cave while ridin a dirtbike. Then he meets a girl explorin the cave & I was like Whoah!, she's 10 times hotter than Lana! Yes I'm shallow. ;D She then tells Clark bout the cave paintins & the legend they portray. The story was that hundreds of yrs. ago a being came from the skies & met her ancestors & told them that oneday another( called Mannan) would come from the heavens, possessin the strength of ten men & able to project beams of fire from his eyes. Also the girl had these bracelets that were also in the paintins, she said they were passed down & that whomever possessed the bracelets at the time of Mannan's arrival meant that they were destined to be together. So after Clark shields her with his body from a minor cave in & she witnesses that he sustained no wounds, she thinks Clark is this Mannan character. There was also this octagonal shape cut into the inner cave walls & symbols macthin the markins on Clark's ship. They have this instant connection & everyone realizes how Clark is when he's around her & that his attention has drifted from Lana to Kyla(the cave girls' name). Then his father confronts him & Clark tells him that it's different when the girl likes him back. Needless to say it didn't work out at the end. Kyla didn't survive the episode & Lana is cryin to him bout Whitney again. So Clark is left with no-one once more. Poor Clark.
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