Post by ML Fan on Dec 4, 2005 12:32:44 GMT -5
Angel Eyes
Jessica Alba was ours, and we blew it. This time, it's going to be right. So right
By ROB SHEFFIELD
Welcome back, Jessica Alba. It's good to see you back on top, where you belong. For a few years there, after Dark Angel got canceled, we were afraid we'd lost you forever. There was a Jessica Alba-shaped hole in our hearts. We couldn't take the pain of loving and losing again -- we already went through this with Alicia Silverstone. All over America, your fans would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, sobbing, whispering, "Why, Lord, why? That girl from Dark Angel -- couldn't you keep her famous a little longer? Couldn't you let her star in another movie, maybe as a stripper cowgirl in leather chaps? Or a shark wrangler in the Bahamas? If you give us another chance, we'll never let her go!"
We had her, America. Jessica Alba was ours, and we blew it. Never again. This time, Jessica, it's going to be right. So right.
As 2005 draws to a close, it's clear: This has been the year of Jessica Alba. She's so famous, it's hard to remember those bleak Jessica-free years ever happened at all. Look at her now: burning up the red carpets with lips like sugar and eyelids like sin, giving that drowsy, permanently post-coital smile of hers. In 2005, she has exploded into Hollywood A-list hotness, starring in Sin City as the Leather Girl, Fantastic Four (so who were the other two?) as the Invisible Girl and Into the Blue as the Almost Totally Naked for Two Hours Girl, diving into beach-ready dialogue like "I believe in you more than the profit of any treasure." She shows up everywhere from the MTV Movie Awards to the Teen Choice Awards to the Step Up Women's Network Inspiration Awards, wherever there's a camera, armed with nothing except beauty, God-given talent and the busiest nipple fluffer in town. This girl understands how to give perfect sound bite. I love how she keeps saying things like her comments on her Into the Blue wardrobe: "Well, I play a shark wrangler. She's in the water a lot -- in the Bahamas, and it's hot. It wouldn't be right if she's wearing a full suit when it's, like, ninety degrees." Now there's an artist who appreciates the magic of the movies.
Five years ago, Jessica blew up on Dark Angel. She played motorcycle-riding cyborg outlaw Max Guevara, wearing nothing but leather cat suits, kickboxing the bad guys with superhuman powers and feline DNA planted in her genes. Greatest TV show ever? Obviously. Too good to last? Tell me about it. When Dark Angel got the ax, then came those crazy years, the years I hate to even think about. She disappeared, only showing up in crap like The Sleeping Dictionary and Honey. Instead of the next Alyssa Milano, she looked like she was turning into the next Jane March. She pretended she didn't miss us, and we tried to fill the void with Lindsay Lohan. Who were we kidding? We needed her back. And she needed us. She cares. That's why she says brilliant things like her quote to Rolling Stone this summer: "The scripts I get are always for the whore or the motorcycle chick in leather or the horny maid. I get all these screenplays that start, 'Tawnya is in the shower. The water streams down her naked, perky breasts.' " I share her outrage. Where are all the scripts about the horny maid who is also a motorcycle chick in leather? Or a Catholic schoolgirl/vampire? Why must Tawnya hide in the shower for bonding time with her NPBs?
Maybe it's better this way. Maybe this all had to happen, so we would appreciate Jessica and treat her right this time. Hell, who knows? Maybe we both had to grow up a little. All I know is, Jessica's back. This time I know it's 4 real. (Posted Nov 30, 2005)
Here's the link, www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/8900802/?pageid=rs.NewsArchive&pageregion=mainRegion&rnd=1133435127045&has-player=true&version=6.0.12.1040
Jessica Alba was ours, and we blew it. This time, it's going to be right. So right
By ROB SHEFFIELD
Welcome back, Jessica Alba. It's good to see you back on top, where you belong. For a few years there, after Dark Angel got canceled, we were afraid we'd lost you forever. There was a Jessica Alba-shaped hole in our hearts. We couldn't take the pain of loving and losing again -- we already went through this with Alicia Silverstone. All over America, your fans would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, sobbing, whispering, "Why, Lord, why? That girl from Dark Angel -- couldn't you keep her famous a little longer? Couldn't you let her star in another movie, maybe as a stripper cowgirl in leather chaps? Or a shark wrangler in the Bahamas? If you give us another chance, we'll never let her go!"
We had her, America. Jessica Alba was ours, and we blew it. Never again. This time, Jessica, it's going to be right. So right.
As 2005 draws to a close, it's clear: This has been the year of Jessica Alba. She's so famous, it's hard to remember those bleak Jessica-free years ever happened at all. Look at her now: burning up the red carpets with lips like sugar and eyelids like sin, giving that drowsy, permanently post-coital smile of hers. In 2005, she has exploded into Hollywood A-list hotness, starring in Sin City as the Leather Girl, Fantastic Four (so who were the other two?) as the Invisible Girl and Into the Blue as the Almost Totally Naked for Two Hours Girl, diving into beach-ready dialogue like "I believe in you more than the profit of any treasure." She shows up everywhere from the MTV Movie Awards to the Teen Choice Awards to the Step Up Women's Network Inspiration Awards, wherever there's a camera, armed with nothing except beauty, God-given talent and the busiest nipple fluffer in town. This girl understands how to give perfect sound bite. I love how she keeps saying things like her comments on her Into the Blue wardrobe: "Well, I play a shark wrangler. She's in the water a lot -- in the Bahamas, and it's hot. It wouldn't be right if she's wearing a full suit when it's, like, ninety degrees." Now there's an artist who appreciates the magic of the movies.
Five years ago, Jessica blew up on Dark Angel. She played motorcycle-riding cyborg outlaw Max Guevara, wearing nothing but leather cat suits, kickboxing the bad guys with superhuman powers and feline DNA planted in her genes. Greatest TV show ever? Obviously. Too good to last? Tell me about it. When Dark Angel got the ax, then came those crazy years, the years I hate to even think about. She disappeared, only showing up in crap like The Sleeping Dictionary and Honey. Instead of the next Alyssa Milano, she looked like she was turning into the next Jane March. She pretended she didn't miss us, and we tried to fill the void with Lindsay Lohan. Who were we kidding? We needed her back. And she needed us. She cares. That's why she says brilliant things like her quote to Rolling Stone this summer: "The scripts I get are always for the whore or the motorcycle chick in leather or the horny maid. I get all these screenplays that start, 'Tawnya is in the shower. The water streams down her naked, perky breasts.' " I share her outrage. Where are all the scripts about the horny maid who is also a motorcycle chick in leather? Or a Catholic schoolgirl/vampire? Why must Tawnya hide in the shower for bonding time with her NPBs?
Maybe it's better this way. Maybe this all had to happen, so we would appreciate Jessica and treat her right this time. Hell, who knows? Maybe we both had to grow up a little. All I know is, Jessica's back. This time I know it's 4 real. (Posted Nov 30, 2005)
Here's the link, www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/8900802/?pageid=rs.NewsArchive&pageregion=mainRegion&rnd=1133435127045&has-player=true&version=6.0.12.1040